Surfing is undoubtedly an intimidating sport. There is no way you can control the ocean, but if you can overcome your fear and learn to ride the wave, an exhilarating experience awaits! In order to survive the challenges of surfing, you have to practice the techniques and skills required to deal with the moment to moment decisions of riding the uncontrollable force of water in perpetual motion. You can’t learn this skill intellectually. The only way to master these skills is to get out into the water, and work your way up from the baby waves to the monster swells. If you ride out too far too fast, without the proper experience or equipment, you are certainly going to be challenged to the point of disaster and maybe even serious injury. There are also the unknown elements lurking beneath the beautiful blue – jelly fish, manta rays and man-eating sharks. Sometimes we can’t avoid the nasty experience of colliding with these hidden dangers. However, by making ourselves aware of the patterns of the unknown vermin lurking beneath the surface, we can maximize our ability to survive and even avoid conflicting encounters.

Does the excitement and challenge of surfing appear similar to life? That’s what I thought. I define “surfing through life” as the art of mastering continuous change without feeling the effect of every bump in the road. It is potentially much more powerful, fun and resilient to be pro-active, or “at cause.” In other words, life can be more productive and gratifying when you find ways to anticipate and whenever possible, be the instigator of change. This anticipation of change provides the highest level of control in reaching your destination.

Perhaps you are a business owner struggling with underperforming or over the top, gun-slinger managers – some who may be related to you, some you wish were related to you and some you wonder what you did in a previous life to deserve their presence. Perhaps you are in the process of developing a vision for your company. Looking into the future you can only see blank “deer in the headlights” stares looking back. How do you get your people to embrace inevitable change? How do you facilitate, rather than dictate change? What are the best tools to help lead others effectively without alienating or dominating them?

To be sure, change is inevitable, Just look around you at what has occurred over the last twelve months. The only question is how are you and your employees going to deal with those on coming lights. In large part the future success of your organization is going to be determined by how well you and your team anticipate and deal with changes that are being imposed on your family, business, market and even this country.

After training and facilitating groups dealing with change for 25 years, here are some survival tips that I have found universally effective for communicating and facilitating the change process:

1. Ask guiding questions so the person or team you are working with arrives at the best logical conclusion on their own merit without being told “the correct answer”.

Their ideas will always go over better than yours will. Be wary of the temptation to manipulate the discussion to lead them down the path you think correct, even if your experience tells you there is only one answer. Take a breath, be patient and let them work through the process of discovery. The moment of “Ah-ha! is glorious to behold.

2. Be open to new and other ways of doing things, or even different choices when it is not crucial – remember to pick your battles to win the war.

Just because you have always done it a certain way doesn’t mean you can’t achieve success with another approach. Be flexible. Use a fundamental technique called “Yes, and….” which is to accept all ideas in the initial creative thinking process. Try to build on all offers to keep the moment building positively. It is easy to go back to the brainstorming list, incorporate and simplify the ideas into solid solutions and rule out the impractical ones later. It is far more difficult to wade through the wadded pieces of paper on the floor as you all walk out of the room in a cloudy, shutdown and frustrated mood.

3. Be genuine at all times – nobody likes to be patronized.

4. Listen more – keep asking engaged questions.

Explore a train of thought as far as possible before intervening. Ask more questions to understand the reasoning before reaching a conclusion. Before making statements like, “What are you nuts?” ask questions such as, “Before making comment, would you share your thinking process in reaching this conclusion?” From a leadership standpoint, it is better if the team can recognize brilliance from delusion and their self-realization will be far more powerful than anything you can tell them yourself

5. Acknowledge what is being done well (even progress).

Redirect negative behavior by focusing on what they are doing right or provide coaching in areas that need improvement. This does not mean you avoid the truth. In order to affect any kind of growth or change, there are two fundamental axioms that must occur:

• It is what it is. Just that. No blame is attached, no why’s or how come’s. Before you can create any kind of change, you have to begin with an honest assessment of the problem.

• Take responsibility for the issue at hand without pointing fingers. Own your part in it. Blame doesn’t work and never produces a resulting change. Work towards creating solutions with an understanding of what brought you to this point, without excessive energy spent on placing blame on who’s fault it was

With an honest assessment and understanding of how you arrived there, you will have a firm foundation for constructing the desired result with a greater chance of success.Taking someone through this process necessitates a delicate, compassionate, yet courageous willingness to address the much avoided “pink elephant in the room.” Refer back to #3: Be genuine and truthful at all times and don’t be afraid to say that you don’t have all of the answers.

  6.   Emphasize the positive – if you can’t contribute something that can improve the situation, wait until you can.

Use the “yes, and” technique when someone is upset. Listen, ask questions and acknowledge their upset without judgment. If nothing helpful comes to mind, push back the desire to say, “I told you so,” or “Wow, that was dumb,” or, “Oh yeah???” and ask more questions. Usually the other person will start to calm down, the truth begins surfacing and the understanding will unfold. When the situation is especially heated, call a “time out” for everyone to step back, regroup and get their thoughts organized before re-engaging the topic. Retaliation or ultimatums rarely result in a successful outcome. 

7.   Delivery style – how you say it is more important than the actual words you say.

The basis of trust and positive reinforcement has to be established before people can accept suggestions or coaching. Pay more attention to tone of voice and body language than the actual words. As an example, how comfortable do you feel buying something from a telephone solicitor as opposed to an actual salesperson? When presenting your thoughts to an individual or a group of people, your delivery, is 98% of what they will remember. 

8.   State your expectations clearly.

If necessary, write them down. Never assume people can read your mind or interpret your implied signals. This is the most classic dysfunction we find in family-owned businesses and we spend a great deal of time clarifying expectations, roles, responsibilities and methods of accountability so that the group can function in both capacities – as co-workers, board of directors and family members. 

9.   Avoid manipulation – just as when patronized, they will resent you for it.

Keep checking in with yourself to make sure your focus is on what is best for the greater good. It is not fair to abuse their trust or respect for your opinions to manipulate them into thinking what is best for you is necessarily best for them. When there is a need to intervene and help, try to using the “invisible hand” – don’t let them know when you are helping, don’t take the credit for their success. They will love and respect you for the love and respect you have demonstrated to them.

10.  There is no one right way. Always look for the win/win.

Give your problem solving process the time needed so you can examine your conclusions from all angles. If you can find acceptable compromise so that all parties find benefit in the solution, you are more likely to experience success. Anytime someone feels they have been taken advantage of or lost out, you are certainly fostering a smoldering flame of discontent that will eventually spark and explode unpredictably and at usually inconvenient times unless resolved. 

Change is usually abrupt and driven from outside events or conditions. Transformational change is always internally driven and evolves over time. When a transformation occurs in a family, organization or within an individual, it allows for natural growth and understanding, which will always be more lasting. Success does not have to be illusive or based on luck. Your future success will be dependent upon your continuous commitment to being adaptable, creative, flexible and opportunistic.

Are YOU ready to ride the wave?